Beyond Everything
by Let-it-lie
Summary: EstLiet The days were a struggle to get through, leaving them broken and exhausted. Lithuania would find himself in Estonia's embrace, and Estonia would welcome him, however all was not right between them.


**The summary is more of an explanation than a summary, as you will soon realise. I don't like the plot, just to get it clear. It's just one of the many EstLiet situations formulated in my mind which I needed to get down for the sake of the pairing, although for once I'm satisfied with the style and quality of writing. Anyway, enjoy.**

* * *

A timid knock, followed almost instantaneously by the slamming of a computer screen and the sound of footsteps as the previously seated nation crossed the hall. He reached the door before the clock could complete its circle, swinging open the door with a new energy which had somehow possessed him. As the door was opened, and Estonia took in the slim, shadowlike figure standing isolated on his doorstep, a blast of icy wind entered the warm house.

"Toris."

There was no surprise in Estonia's voice; the words welcomed the intruder like a loving embrace. He gestured for Lithuania to come into the warmth that awaited him, closing the door quietly as the nation did so.

The coat which Lithuania was wearing had been covered with ice, which began to thaw, running down his body to form a small pool on the rug beneath his feet. The contact with the icy liquid caused him to shiver; the action was quickly picked up on by his companion, who took the dripping coat from him, discarding it on a nearby coat rack. Estonia turned back to take in Lithuania; to see that he was physically and emotionally exhausted, that he was frozen with cold and that his body was shaking slightly, a final effort to maintain control. Wordlessly, Estonia wrapped his arms around the other nation, pulling him close. Every single one of Lithuania's muscles was tense; although he allowed Estonia to hold him, he was unable to relax.

It was the physical contact that Lithuania had hungered after. As Estonia's touch warmed his body, begging him to rest; to calm; to be happy, the need to be closer returned to him. It was a need which they both knew well; that they shared. This position; standing in the hallway of Estonia's house, just holding each other silently, protectively, was one that was becoming familiar to them. The low crackle of the fire in the background, and the irregular flickering of the lights, were no longer relevant. The world no longer affected them. Nothing mattered except that they were together.

Estonia felt the nation in his arms weaken as every inch of his previously resistant body became seeped in fatigue. Not wanting to fall against his comforter, Lithuania pulled away from him, immediately tensing up again as he did so. Estonia tilted his head slightly to meet Lithuania's eyes, an arm remaining firmly around the nation's waist.

"Eduard."

The word was murmured; almost unintelligible. The exhausted trance which had come over them began to disperse as they saw each other clearly for the first time. Green eyes met blue; fire met water.

Tenderly, Estonia raised his hand to touch Lithuania's face, a natural concern in his eyes. Lithuania blinked, the gentle contact making him tremble slightly. As Estonia's hand came down to rest against his side where it had been before, Lithuania took it on his own, gripping tightly. Estonia waited until Lithuania had released his grip, taking hold of the clenched fist that had formed and rubbing it gently between his hands until the muscles relaxed. Inwardly he planned on doing the same to the rest of Lithuania's body, if only to relax the nation for a while. Instead, Estonia raised himself up slightly in order to kiss Lithuania softly on the forehead. Lithuania gave a small sigh, taking a step forward so that their bodies were in contact again. To Estonia's greatest surprise, when Lithuania's head was resting on his shoulder, the nation turned to kiss the side of his neck briefly, before pulling away once more.

For a moment they stood perfectly still, frozen in time; focused on each other completely, reaching out to feel one another's presence. Lithuania's face was pale and tense, his emotions just beyond reach; he was mouthing something in his own language, too silent for his companion to hear. Estonia's fingers traced the place on his neck where Lithuania's lips had brushed, an intensity showing on his face which had previously been absent. Slowly, carefully and with some hesitation, he pressed his own lips softly against Lithuania's, his eyes closing. Lithuania's own eyes widened slightly; he had once more been wary of the invasive closeness, but the too often blocked out part of him persuaded him to enjoy the feeling of Estonia's lips against his own, to return the fulfilling closeness. For a few minutes, they remained together, sharing the perfect kiss; full of care and of a love that had not yet been expressed. As they pulled apart, still entirely focused on one another, Estonia finally spoke.

* * *

"Toris, you are tired. You must rest now."

The words severed the bonds which had been holding them together; they broke eye contact, Lithuania taking a few steps away from the other, turning back to say the words which Estonia had dreaded.

"Eduard, thank you. Thank you for everything."

There was a sudden pause; the silent sound of the bonds falling hopelessly to the floor. Estonia seemed to slump slightly as the full impact of the words hit him. He turned, forcing himself to meet the other nation's eyes, his voice hoarse with pain.

"I beg you, Lithuania, say anything to me, anything... just please don't thank me. I..."

Lithuania stepped forward slightly, raising up a hand to stop Estonia.

"Please, Estija, not now. I know what you're going to say; I've heard it so many times. I'm too tired to face up to this."

Estonia glanced wearily up at the clock; it was at the same late hour that it was every time he saw Lithuania. He looked quickly at Lithuania; the nation was as shattered as he was every time he came to be with Estonia. Nothing had changed, and it never would change. He had thought for a moment, when they had kissed, that things might finally become right for them. He had been wrong.

For a moment he considered taking Lithuania again and holding him, touching him, kissing him; he even made to move, but instead stopped, remaining still.

"Then for my sake, rest. You can lie down here; I'll help you to relax."

Lithuania nodded quickly, lying down on his stomach on the nearby sofa. He didn't react when Estonia removed his shirt, displaying the scars that covered his back; they had been through the same routine so many times that he was used to it. Estonia's hands found his shoulders, and he closed his eyes automatically as the other nation moved slowly down his body; rubbing and caressing Lithuania's exhausted muscles, pressing kisses against the scars. It was not a massage, for Lithuania would never be able to have one, but it was the best thing that Estonia could have given to him. Lithuania's breathing slowed to a regular pace as Estonia's touch melted him. He didn't have to be strong anymore; not with the other to support him.

Estonia didn't leave out a single part of Lithuania's body; the care that he provided was relentless and enforced, although Lithuania did not attempt to fight it. When Lithuania's companion finally let him go, they were lying facing each other, the nation closed his eyes slowly, his breath steady and his body warm.

From his position on the bed, Estonia could see the white ceiling above them. It was imperfect; marred by cracks and by dust. As Estonia removed his glasses to lay them beside their resting place, the white slowly became pure. He remained looking at it for a long time; Lithuania lay absolutely still beside him, and no disturbances occurred.

* * *

"Estonia?"

At the sound of his name, he turned, meeting the unwavering stare of Lithuania.

"What... Leedu... I thought you were asleep."

Lithuania shook his head slowly, trying to gather his thoughts.

"No, I was just resting a while. I thought that you wanted to hold me."

Estonia's eyes widened slightly as he realised what Lithuania had said. He felt a sudden rush of anger; anger at Lithuania for treating his emotions so callously, for rejecting Estonia when he plainly cared about the nation.

"I didn't think that you wanted me to."

The words were spoken bitterly. Lithuania winced, but looked straight back at the other.

"Eduard, I would never push you away, but you must understand that it is hard for me to accept so much from you. I come here, and you show me so much love, yet I give you little in return. What about you? You need me every bit as much as I need you, but you won't let me care for you."

Estonia's fingers grasped Lithuania's arms as he drew their faces close together, a hand beneath Lithuania's chin.

"Why, Leedu? Why must you always be so selfless?"

Lithuania moved away from Estonia in alarm, but the nation was holding him too tightly.

"I don't understand what you mean, Estija."

Estonia crouched over Lithuania, looking down at him with an agonised expression on his face.

"Every week you come here; cold, tired, broken, exhausted, and every week you accept my love, yet you hate me for loving you; for giving to you. Why can't you just let me repay all that I owe to you? You know how strong my love for you is, and you know how long it has lasted, whether you choose to believe it or not. I can't forgive myself. Why do you come here, if you can't bear to be loved?"

In a movement Lithuania pushed Estonia away from him, his mind filled with an anger of his own. Fire filled his eyes as he looked at his companion, but when he spoke his voice was laced with sorrow.

"Stop, Estonia. Stop trying to repay this 'debt' that you think you owe me. The fact that you were unable to protect me all those years is nothing to me. How can I ever truly become close to you if it's the only reason you care for me? Relationships don't work like that. As for saying that I hate you, I have thought many things about you, but I could never hate you."

Estonia stared intently at his companion, registering his slumped position and the shadows behind his eyes. Seeing how tired Lithuania truly was, he encased the nation in his arms, holding him once more as Lithuania's body shook.

"Toris, I'm sorry. I've made this harder for us than it could have been. But if you don't hate me, then how do you truly feel about me? I love you. I want you to love me back, but that would be asking far too much from you. I thought today, when I kissed you, that you might want me."

The tense silence that followed was almost unbearable. Suddenly, and very slowly, Lithuania detached himself from Estonia, looking at him with pure love that he had never shown before.

"Why else do you think that I come?"

He raised his hand to wipe away a tear that had formed in the corner of Estonia's eye as the nation comprehended the revelation. Lithuania pressed his cracked lips softly against the other's. Estonia blinked, his hand caressing the nation's face. Lithuania spoke again; a voiced request.

"You're just going to have to accept that I care about you as much as you care about me."

For a while they just lay in each other's arms, sharing warmth and loving touch. They lay on the sofa holding each other; absorbed completely by one another. A soft touch of the face; a kiss on the neck; a stroke of the hair. It was everything, and at that moment it felt like the entire world. They kissed again; soft and tender, but at the same time intense and focused, however Estonia broke it off, his mind shifting to more practical things.

"We need to stop this thing that we're doing; walking in circles around each other and holding onto each other, but somehow failing to communicate properly."

Lithuania pulled himself up, meeting Estonia's eyes as the nation continued to speak.

"I want to protect you; to care for you. I need you."

He was holding Lithuania tighter than he ever had before, unwilling to let him go.

"I want to keep you safe. I won't let anyone hurt you again."

Lithuania shook his head, fingertips tracing the rough edges of Estonia's tense jawline.

"You need to stop, Estonia. You're blaming yourself again. We are safe now; we have people to protect us. I need you to heal me."

Estonia couldn't see Lithuania clearly; he had removed his glasses, but he could somehow feel the nation that he loved looking at him.

"The fact that you love me is everything you could ever give to me, Toris. I love you, and I need you, more than I've ever wanted or needed anything before."

Lithuania kissed him softly once more, speaking just loud enough for Estonia to hear.

"I want to give you beyond everything."

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**Thank you for reading, and don't forget to write EstLiet of your own.**


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